Saturday, September 22, 2001
eros of wandering
I've been cloistered for the last few days, answering e-mail occasionally, doing some hand drawing (which I still suck at, but feel compelled to do from time to time), reading voraciously about Joseph Cornell and his tiny microcosm assemblage boxes that make me wish I knew the man.
I had to get away from All This for awhile. I realized that I was taking it all too seriously, all too close to the cuff. I mean, there's something to be said for realizing the gravity of potentially ten thousand dead in my backyard, but there's also something to be said for retaining your sense of equilibrium, for making sure that the individual doesn't become a self-inflicted victim of tragedy without actually being there.
I'm in an expansion phase. I found out a long time ago that my life goes in cycles: in-and-out, ebb-and-flow, wax-and-wane. For three months, I'll buy a lot of books. Then, inexplicably, I'll read them all and buy nothing for the next three. I'll do the same with Art Stuff -- taking in new techniques, art books, supplies, and then suddenly stopping the inflow with the intent of pouring it all back out, using it all up before the next fillup is required.
That's when I find things like this article on underground tunnels or this one on all different movements in art history, and I get fascinated. Inspired. I think of infinite alleyways underground and surrealist art galleries in the sky, and my mind takes off racing on a course that I can't ever really predict.
Don't get me wrong. I love this inner expansion. I love collecting inspirations like one collects foreign stamps or coins, and cataloguing them for later. It just seems inappropriate given the nature of tragedy going on all around me. It's hard to remain excited when you feel guilty for every inspiration.
So I write it all in my paper journals, and ignore writing here for the benefit of propriety.
Just so you know where I've been,
-------e
Posted by beth @ 11:06 AM PST [Link]
Tuesday, September 18, 2001
ironyironyirony
Talk about irony. I went back to the yahoogroups site to print out that person's message (quoted below), and at the top....a banner for tolerance.org.
I'm amazed at the serendipity. And the boneheaddedness of some people. But mainly the serendipity.
------e
Posted by beth @ 11:31 AM PST [Link]
more shock
This was just posted to one of my art lists:
The sad thing is that regardless of what people say, Islam is truly a violent
religion. I'm assuming that "entry level" Muslims (meaning people new to the
religion) don't have a clue about much of what the Koran says and Muslims do
want to protect their image. That is understandable, especially for those
living in the United States. But the Koran does in fact not only condone, but
encourages the killing of anyone who is not Muslim. Women's rights are also
unheard of in the Muslim world. It is the only religion that I know of that
routinely practices female circumcision -- woman don't have the right to have
pleasure so they take care of that by making it impossible. Are there good Muslim people? Of course. But the religion does "reward" those
who kill people who are not Muslim. We need to be realistic about what Islam
really teaches to understand much of the foundation and "justification" of
what has happened.
Holy f*cking sheepsh*t! (edited to protect our more sensitive viewers)
I should probably mention that the one who posted this is a very devout Christian. Which I understand. I do. I think it's great that Christianity works for her. I'm glad that she's found the Truth as she sees it.
But I can NOT TOLERATE people who see things through a filter of religion, totally disregarding both the facts and the socio-economic/cultural influences at work in a given organization. Christianity itself treats women as if they are just men's sidekicks, and up until recently, they were treated as second-class citizens. It's our -culture- that changed that, not some fundamental part of the Christian religion. For her to say that Islam is the reason for some nutcases to justify killing innocent people, or for female circumcision (which is NOT just a Muslim invention, I might add), and to say that the KORAN gives justification for killing people....I'm just flabbergasted.
The absolute LAST thing we need is ANYONE preaching hate, even when it's disguised as facts.
I'm just appalled.
------e
Posted by beth @ 08:46 AM PST [Link]
six am
I rolled over, groggy, and looked at the clock. The dog groaned, not wanting to be moved, and the weight of the empty space next to me in the bed seemed vast. Six a.m....?
From the office, I heard clicking, and the music from "Age of Empires". Six a.m., and H was still playing. Eight hours later, as sometimes happens when he naps during the day. I heard him get up, pad softly down the stairs. I heard the refrigerator open, a can of soda snap and hiss, and rustling coming from the bathroom.
Bleary-eyed, I stood at the top of the stairs, intending to tell him that it's time for bed. It's six in the morning, for heavens' sakes.
pad, pad, pad.... His feet made mooshy noises on the freshly-vacuumed carpet. He turned the landing and looked up....and screamed, not expecting to see a half-dressed woman at the top of the stairs.
"You made me scream like a woman," he said, giggling.
And I forgave him.
But I made him go to bed.
------e
Posted by beth @ 07:07 AM PST [Link]
Monday, September 17, 2001
FAST AND FURIOUS
I'm not sure what it is, but the ideas keep coming, fast and furious, like somewhere inside my brain all the tension from the past few days has broken, letting all the thoughts come rushing out llike a tidal wave. It's like a creative exhalation.
The big one is an idea that's hard to explain. It's a web-based serial collaboration. I could do it myself, but it wouldn't be as much fun, and I'm waiting to hear back from a friend if he'd like to play along, but if it comes through, I think it would be incredibly artsy and cool. Kind of like Nick Bantock meets Dada meets Danielle Steele. (Very little of the Steele. I hate harlequin novels.)
I've come to realize that I need people lately. I mean, I've realized it lately. I go through these isolation periods where it's hard for me to reach out and touch others, but that's probably when I need them the most. H thinks part of it was the weird social coding I got as a kid. He's probably right.
What do you dream about? I mean while you're awake? Or asleep? Or both? I wonder about who reads these words that are turning more into a spontaneous journal than a weblog, and I wonder if I'm the only one in the world who gets totally caught up in ideastreams. If there are other people who just drift on a raft in their minds.
I see things like this sometimes or like this, and I wonder if I'll be able to slow down long enough to translate my head to my hands. It takes so much focus for me. I have to force myself to sit still. I have to make lists and do one. thing. at. a. time....or nothing will get done.
I wish this were easier.
-------e
Posted by beth @ 10:49 PM PST [Link]
Sunday, September 16, 2001
REBIRTH
I don't know what's changed today, but the world feels reborn. It's moving toward autumn, and the air outside is cool enough to have all the windows open, airing out the stale smoke and burnt candle wax of the past days' vigils.
The past three days, I've had dreams so vivid they seem real when I wake up. I didn't write about it yesterday, but I had a dream that my ex-husband's new girlfriend (maybe wife by now) and I were friends. Like, best friends. I felt uncomfortable when I woke up, unsettled. This morning, I woke up dazed from a dream set between Norfolk (my home town) and Sioux City. I could still smell the green of the fields lingering in my phantom senses.
I'm cutting out words from old magazines, for more found word pages and the nervousness.org project of the same name. It's the first day that I've really felt like creating from my soul in a long, long time.
There's a book I'm reading called Point Zero about creating from that wordless, image-filled void within each of us. The author, Michele Cassou, has agreed to be interviewed for IN(ner) QUESTION, and I'm ecstatic.
It's all contributing to this feeling that, despite the horror and shock of this past week, the world is being born anew. Nothing is the same, as I feared on Tuesday, but it's being rebuilt, better than before. We are teetering on the edge of togetherness and joy, brought on by shared sorrow. We are all one.
Now, we just seem to realize it.
--------e
Posted by beth @ 10:09 AM PST [Link]
