Friday, September 7, 2001
BIG GIANT DORK
If you've been waiting for email from me today, the chances are, you didn't get it.
This is because I am, truly, a big giant dork.
Last night, my server was kicking back all of my email. Telling me the addresses were invalid. It does this sometimes. And for this frustration, I pay them $50 a month. Yay, capitalism.
At any rate, in a fit of annoyance, I set up my email client to only check for mail, and send it manually (I have to actually click a dealie to send the outgoing messages.). All day today, I've been wondering why I haven't been getting any email. I thought I was diseased or something. Had some kind of cyber-b.o. maybe.
Nope. I forgot to change it back. So I've been writing email after lonely email, and not sending a one of 'em.
The depth of my own stupidity is sometimes downright staggering.
looking for her brain,
-------e
Posted by beth @ 10:37 PM PST [Link]
Music gods
One more thing before I retire to the bath with one of Cat's books on Women's Studies (a current obsession of mine, I must say):
I don't listen to music very often. I thought it was because I'm just easily distracted, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to hold a coherent thought for very long if I do. But I don't think that's it.
I found a CD where I'd put a bunch of MP3s a while ago that I'd forgotten I had. On it are a whole crop of songs from the mid-90's, just before I met the asshole-formerly-known-as-my-husband.
It's bizarre how quickly and readily this music brings back an entire era of my life. A whole feeling, a whole lost culture, a whole person. Someone I'm not anymore, obviously, but someone I was. It's like seeing pictures of myself in my mind. And pictures of people that I'd almost forgotten. Flashes of events and experiences that I've integrated, that are a part of me, but that I don't think about consciously with any frequency.
I feel weird, out of place. My head is spinning. Memories of sex with near-strangers who owned your heart will do that to you, I guess.
Off to wash that man right outta my hair,
-------e
Posted by beth @ 07:05 PM PST [Link]
BELLYDANCING ARTEEEST
I went ahead and linked this from the index page with much trepidation. It's been a long time since I've done any kind of web project that requires updated content. At least not with any degree of success. I tend to forget how much time my actual life takes.
Despite that, I've been working on the altered page gallery for the better part of the day. (All right, so it's only been about an hour and a half, but since the sun is setting at the moment, it seems to be much longer than just an hour and a half.) Between trying to figure out what kinds of things I actually want to put up on the site, and perusing this wonderful site in order to review it for Louise's fabulous new zine, "Slow" (about slowing down and enjoying what life has to offer), it feels like I've had very little time today.
I do have to say that I DID take the time to do part of the belly dancing video that I got a while back. It's much harder than it looks, and if you can ignore Delphina's utterly vapid commentary through the whole thing (i.e.: she opens her eyes really wide and says, "When you wake up kundalini, MAGIC happens!" Great Ceasar's ghost, woman...just dance and shut up.), it really does work your whole body. I still may be more belly than dance, but not for long.
It's about time for a bath, I'm thinking. Just the thing to get rid of the tenseness in my back muscles. (Not from the bellydance, I might add. From the fact that our gardeners are total morons, but that's another entry entirely.)
Namaste,
-------e
Posted by beth @ 06:55 PM PST [Link]
Thursday, September 6, 2001
TOLERANCE
Why is it that we tolerate dullness in our lives? Tedium, and all that jazz.
I was over ogling Tom's pictures (again), and there's a Thoreau quote on the bottom of his Walden pages (under his travel pictures, then Walden) about there being a great deal of novelty in the world, but we choose boredom. (paraphrased)
I do that. Tolerate it, I mean. When things get too mundane, I think about changing my whole life. Running off to live elsewhere, pursuing my happiness instead of my security. I do a lot of thinking about Fate and faith, and I end up more confused than before.
Am I denying myself while I get to where it's comfortable to change? Probably.
A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do, I guess.
Posted by beth @ 10:43 PM PST [Link]
YOU'VE GOT VOICE MAIL
I just found this great little voice mail service. Free, and you get voice mail with a local number, fax capability, and email, all in one. Granted, it's long-distance for just about everyone who might want to get in touch with you, but hey -- you want to play, you gotta pay.
I'm kind of bummed that you can't fax -out- with the service, but life goes on.
Betweeen that and Zairmail, I may never have to pay for anything again. Well, except all these nervousness.org objects that I keep signing up for. (Three more today. I must be stopped.)
Want to leave me a voicemail? 1-909-530-2080 x7179
------e
Posted by beth @ 05:15 PM PST [Link]
The Utter Stupidity
This requires some backstory. Bear with me, here.
There's this girl, at work. She's been with us for ages, and she's very competent at her job. Very competent, in fact. She's our manager's right arm. And for a long time, everyone kind of wondered why H's dad didn't just make her an assistant manager already.
So he did. At our urging. And she's done fabulously, for the most part. Little things here and there, but for the most part, perfect.
BUT -- and there's always a but in these sentences -- she's got this little problem. She's a nutcase. Literally. On meds. Sometimes has to call H to have him come in and take her place, because she's sobbing on the back room floor for no reason. Tries to kill herself at least once a year. And she goes through these periods where she just DOESN'T LIKE someone. First it was the old manager, then me, and now it's Audrey.
Now, mind you, Audrey's no picnic to be around. She's moody, in-your-face, and has a tendency to be rude sometimes for no reason. But she's good at her job, and so we keep her.
This assistant manager has been threatening to quit (like she does every time there's someone she doesn't like) if we don't fire Audrey. Fine, fine, we tell her. When we can. (Can anyone say blackmail?)
The other night, Audrey asks the PAM (psycho assistant manager) for the evening off. PAM says no. Audrey goes to H and asks him if she could leave early. PAM overhears, and is pissed off that Audrey's going over her head. (Isn't that what chain of command is for?) Audrey makes a rude comment to H about the PAM.
PAM proceeds to CHARGE at Audrey, grabbing her head and hissing in her face -- WITH CUSTOMERS PRESENT IN THE STORE. (Um, we've just moved to assault and battery, here, folks. And it's not just PAM that's liable, it's US -- because PAM is management and therefore is a representative of us. Good lord.)
So PAM goes in the back room, hits a locker and breaks her hand while telling H how she's going to quit. Again. She then goes to a doctor, finds out her hand is broken, and gets a note saying she needs time off from work to let her hand heal. (Um...it's a VIDEO STORE, not some kind of assembly line. You don't need to do much hand work or typing or anything. Sheesh.)
Worse, she's wanting to sue us for workman's compensation, because she was on the clock when she hit the locker (!!!!).
So I look it up. Again. And find this. I print everything out, highlight the parts that say that if it's a willful injury and/or self-inflicted, there's no dice. You -can't- get worker's comp for it.
SHE CALLS A LAWYER. No kidding. Though I printed out the LAW on the subject, she's pushing the envelope. AND, as if that's not ENOUGH -- she doesn't even admit any wrongdoing with Audrey!!! She thinks it's AUDREY'S FAULT for making a rude comment. (Not under the law, you psycho.) She's even got Audrey apologizing to HER, somehow.
I am totally baffled. Totally. Are people really this far in denial?
Special thanks to Workers Have Rights, Too, who answered all my legal questions today. They helped me get my last check once when I was still in Iowa and an employer tried to keep it because he thought I stole something. (They later caught the girl who really did steal the item in question, and the employer called me to apologize and ask me to come back. I was like, "Uhm, pshyaaaah, no way.")
If anyone's reading this that knows, do you know of anyplace in California that offers info to small businesses about the rights of employees? I know we don't want to step on anybody's rights, but damn -- they are pushing the envelope as far as they can, and there comes a time when you have to know the law to enforce it, y'know?
Some days, I think it was easier doing data entry.
Posted by beth @ 04:55 PM PST [Link]
WORKWORKWORK
I believe I found someone to finally send me Greymatter. So I can stop updating by FTP. (Not that this is live yet, but ah, the joy.)
So after renumerating all the things I have to do that I haven't been doing, I decided that getting busy was better that whining. Did the dishes from this morning, made some candles and soaps, painted the cigar box, cleaned up the living room. I'm so domesticated.
It felt really weird to log back on to diary-l. Like going back to a school you no longer attend -- there's a vague scent of who you were in the air, but you're seeing it through older eyes. Very strange.
I'm trying to figure out how to archive this thing. I suppose that Greymatter has that kind of thing all built in, but I'm not sure where to put it. It's been so long since I did much of this HTML business that I feel like I'm floundering. It's like when I see it, I can remember it, but writing it cold is a pain in my butt. It's the same with Russian -- I used to write/read relatively fluently after tons of classes in college, and now I can just pick out words and phrases when someone's speaking, but they might as well be Charlie Brown's teacher -- wah, wah, wah-wah, waaaaah -- only guttural and slavic.
Go figure.
Posted by beth @ 10:00 AM PST [Link]
PROJECTS
So here I am, testing, while the UPS man comes by. I'm distracted by the big brown truck like most people are distracted by large shiny objects -- I just love the whole concept of mail, packages, and stuff being delivered.
If there was nothing else in my life -- no computer, no dog, no H -- I'd be happy as a clam if I had a mailbox.
Which reminds me, I should be working on my nervousness.org projects. I've still got a cigar box to collage and a book to make for the found words poetry object. Not that either of them are overly challenging, but I'm in the process of making a soap and candle set as we speak. (Actually, I'm letting it dry, so I guess I -could- just go put a gesso coat on the cigar box or something. Punch some holes for the book or something.)
I am -loving- nervousness.org. As if I haven't made that clear already. I got my first exchange stuff in the mail yesterday -- some already-scratched lottery tickets for an artist's book I'm thinking about -- so I wrote the person an illustrated letter last night (as promised). I should have scanned it -- it came out pretty cool. (And oddly, I was pretty focused on the topic of bicycles through the whole thing -- seems to be a recurring theme around here.)
Posted by beth @ 09:59 AM PST [Link]
WELCOME
Really, I'm just testing this out for format before I can finally get my ISP to get off its lazy little behind and start connecting to noahgrey.com . For some reason, it doesn't seem to like that site, and since that's the program I've been convinced is the ultimate best for weblogging and/or journal-keeping, I'm pretty stuck until I can get it.
I've been looking all morning to find the .zip file on another site, but it seems that, even though everyone loves the program, nobody's hosting another download area. I'm so frustrated!
Earlier, I thought I'd get away from all this for a bit, just to see if I could find some time to get out in the garden. It's one of those rare days out here in the desert where it's not too hot to be outside for awhile, and I thought I'd weed some of the garden.
Unfortunately, I found that I'm allergic. To something. I'm still not sure what. But my arms are covered with something that looks like poison ivy.
Ah, the joys of being a homeowner.
Posted by beth @ 09:45 AM PST [Link]
